Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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