hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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