she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
