I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
