she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
