I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My breasts were aching with rage.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
