Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
