He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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