Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
