He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When are your genitals available?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
