Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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