Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
