Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
