Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize