This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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