I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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