Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
