i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
