she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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