we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
