I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
