I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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