1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
