You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
