i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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