watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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