The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
