I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
