god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
