Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
