i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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