dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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