Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
