"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
