As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
