i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
