I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize