But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
