Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize