You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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