I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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