i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
