My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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