You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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