and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she pinky promised me she was 18
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
