nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize