The maid of honor just puked.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
