I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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