I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
