dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
