She said her name was "party"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
BRING THE BAGELS
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
