i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
