He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize