thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
