how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
