Yo dont text me then not text me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
