Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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