I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
