I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
