dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
