marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
