I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The uberlube is also flammable
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
