Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
