can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
