fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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