I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
