i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
