do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize