the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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