FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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