Your dad touched me again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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