You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
