If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
