I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
