So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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