threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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