Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
