I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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