I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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