Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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