Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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