I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
