So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
