i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
