His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize