Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
