You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
