I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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