I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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