Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
