Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
