don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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